Lonely in Your Twenties? How to Let Go of FOMO and Start Building Your Tribe
Having and creating friendships in my twenties is not at all what I thought it would be when I was 18, fresh out of high school. I genuinely believed the friends I had spent the past six years with would be my ride-or-dies for life. News flash: that didn’t happen.
Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m incredibly grateful for the friendships I have today and the beautiful ways they’ve come into my life. These people mean the absolute world to me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have moments where loneliness creeps in, making me feel like I’m missing out on those picture-perfect “friend group” experiences I see everywhere.
It’s especially tough now that I’ve moved to another continent, starting fresh in a place where I know almost no one. Some days, it’s empowering to be independent, but other days, the reality of being far from familiar faces hits hard. If you’ve ever felt the same way, I want you to know you’re not alone.
Friendships in our twenties are so different from what we imagined growing up. Life shifts, priorities change, and meeting new people can feel more intimidating than it used to. But here’s the good news: loneliness doesn’t have to define this chapter of your life. Together, we’re going to talk about how to let go of the FOMO, embrace where you are, and take intentional steps toward building meaningful connections and your very own tribe.
Why Loneliness in Your Twenties Feels So Heavy
Your twenties are often painted as the most exciting years of your life—full of adventure, opportunities, and thriving social circles. But for so many of us, the reality can feel quite different.
A Transitional Decade
Your twenties are a time of change. You might be moving away from your hometown, starting your career, or even figuring out who you are and what you want from life. These shifts often mean leaving behind familiar faces and routines, making it harder to maintain the close-knit friendships you once had.
The Social Media Highlight Reel
Let’s be real: social media doesn’t help. Scrolling through endless photos of perfectly curated friend groups, fun nights out, and dreamy vacations can make you feel like you’re the only one who hasn’t figured out the secret to a thriving social life. But here’s the thing: what you see online is just a highlight reel, not the full story.
The Stigma Around Loneliness
Admitting you’re lonely feels vulnerable, and that vulnerability often carries stigma. Society tells us we should be “living our best lives” in our twenties, which makes it even harder to speak up about feeling isolated. But the truth is, loneliness is a shared experience—more common than we think, and nothing to be ashamed of.
The First Step: Overcoming the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
FOMO has a way of sneaking in when we’re already feeling vulnerable. It whispers, “Look at what you’re missing,” and amplifies every insecurity you have about your social life. But here’s the truth: FOMO is more about perception than reality.
Shift Your Perspective
FOMO feeds off the belief that everyone else’s life is more exciting than yours. But remember, social media and conversations only show the highlights. That group brunch might look perfect on Instagram, but it doesn’t tell the whole story of how those people actually feel or the struggles they’re facing.
Instead of comparing, focus on your own journey. Ask yourself: What am I truly grateful for in my life right now? Shifting your perspective to gratitude can silence FOMO’s nagging voice.
Unplug and Reflect
Sometimes, the best way to beat FOMO is to unplug. Take a social media detox—even if it’s just for a day. Use this time to reflect on what brings you joy and fulfillment. Journaling can be a great tool here. Write about the things you enjoy, the connections you value, and the kind of friendships you want to cultivate.
Reframe the Narrative
Instead of seeing loneliness as a problem, view it as an opportunity. This is your chance to build the life—and connections—that align with who you are and who you’re becoming. FOMO might make you feel like you’re “behind,” but the truth is, you’re right where you need to be to create something meaningful and lasting.
How to Start Making Friends and Putting Yourself Out There
Making new friends in your twenties can feel daunting—where do you even start? But building meaningful connections is less about luck and more about being intentional with your time and energy. Let’s break it down.
1. Lean Into Your Interests
The easiest way to meet like-minded people is by engaging in activities you genuinely enjoy. Join a yoga class, attend local meetups, or explore online communities centered around your hobbies. Doing things you love not only makes you happy but also naturally attracts people with similar interests.
2. Take the First Step
Sometimes, all it takes to spark a connection is a small act of courage. Say hi to that coworker you’ve been meaning to talk to or ask your neighbor if they want to grab coffee. Initiating can feel scary, but most people appreciate when someone reaches out—it could be exactly what they were hoping for, too.
3. Be Patient with the Process
Building friendships takes time. Don’t expect instant deep connections; instead, focus on consistency. Check in with new acquaintances, plan casual hangouts, and let the relationship evolve naturally. Real friendships aren’t rushed; they’re nurtured.
4. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
Growth happens when you stretch yourself. Attend that networking event even if it feels intimidating. Accept that dinner invitation even if you’re not sure you’ll know anyone there. These small risks often lead to the most rewarding relationships.
Setting Boundaries for Healthy Friendships
Building meaningful friendships isn’t just about connecting with others—it’s also about protecting your peace and prioritizing quality over quantity. Healthy boundaries allow you to create relationships that uplift and inspire you, not drain you.
1. Quality Over Quantity
It’s easy to think a big social circle equals happiness, but the truth is, even one or two truly supportive friendships can be life-changing. Focus on building relationships with people who align with your values, cheer you on, and genuinely care about your well-being.
2. Recognize Toxic Dynamics
Not all friendships are meant to last forever. If you feel drained, unappreciated, or undervalued in a relationship, it’s okay to reassess. A healthy friendship is mutual—it should feel like a two-way street where both of you benefit and grow.
3. Learn to Say No
Setting boundaries often means being comfortable with saying no. Whether it’s declining an invite because you need a quiet night in or stepping away from a friendship that no longer serves you, remember that your peace matters. Saying no isn’t selfish—it’s self-care.
4. Protect Your Energy
Be mindful of how much emotional energy you’re giving to others. Healthy friendships are balanced; you shouldn’t feel like you’re constantly giving without receiving support in return. Prioritize relationships that energize you, not ones that leave you feeling depleted.
Building Your Tribe: Tips for Nurturing Meaningful Connections
Creating friendships is one thing; maintaining and deepening them is another. Building your tribe—a circle of people who truly “get” you—takes time, consistency, and a little extra care.
Show Up Consistently: Friendships thrive on consistency. It doesn’t mean you need to be in constant contact, but regular check-ins and spending time together go a long way. Whether it’s a quick text, a coffee date, or a phone call, showing up consistently builds trust and connection.
Thoughtful Gestures Matter: Small, thoughtful gestures can make a big difference. Celebrate your friend’s wins, remember their milestones, or send a kind message just because. These little actions show that you care and are paying attention, strengthening the bond between you.
Be Vulnerable: Don’t be afraid to let your guard down. Sharing your thoughts, fears, and dreams fosters a deeper sense of connection and invites your friends to do the same. Vulnerability builds trust, and trust is the foundation of any meaningful relationship.
Create Shared Experiences: Plan activities that you and your friends can enjoy together. It doesn’t have to be extravagant—a cozy night in, a walk in the park, or trying out a new recipe together can create memories and deepen your bond.
Conclusion
Feeling lonely in your twenties can be tough, but it’s also a transformative time to discover who you are and what kind of connections you truly need. Remember, loneliness doesn’t mean you’re failing—it’s an invitation to create space for meaningful relationships and grow into your best self.
As you let go of FOMO, put yourself out there, and set boundaries, you’ll start to notice a shift. Your tribe will come together, piece by piece, through patience, intentionality, and care. And while the journey to building these connections takes time, it’s worth every step.
Most importantly, don’t forget to celebrate the relationship you have with yourself. The love, kindness, and effort you pour into yourself will naturally reflect in the friendships you attract. So here’s your reminder: you’re not alone in this, and your people are out there waiting to meet you.
Take it one step at a time—you’re building something beautiful.
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